"SHE DESERVES BETTER, YOU SAY. I SAY: YOU’RE A GODDAMN COWARD. WHAT SHE DESERVES IS AN ACTUAL PERSON SHE CAN CONNECT WITH. SHE DESERVES YOU, OR ME OR THE ENTIRE WORLD; SHE DESERVES SOMEONE ACHINGLY REAL AND HONEST. SHE DESERVES A HUMAN BEING EQUALLY RAW TO PURSUE HER AND LOVE HER AND, PERHAPS, DESTROY HER EMOTIONALLY, BUT SHE DESERVES ALL THAT AS WELL. SHE DOESN’T DESERVE ANYONE’S SUGARY FAIRYTALE. SHE DESERVES TO FLOAT FREELY, WITH YOU, OR ME, OR THE WORLD, INTO THE VERY DEPTHS OF HER OWN PSYCHOSYNTHESIS. SHE DESERVES TO EXPLORE THE MEANING OF THE WORD "INTIMACY", WITH SOMEONE BESIDE HER THAT WILL CAREREGARDLESS. SHE FUCKING DESERVES ALLOF IT. SO, PLUCK UP THE COURAGE AND BE WITH HER OR LEAVE HER IN PEACE BUT DON’T YOU DARE "SELL" HER YOUR OWN "INADEQUACY" AS A LIE SO THAT, AGAIN, YOU MANAGE TO COMFORT YOUR CONSCIENCE AND EVENTUALLY COME TO FEEL THAT YOU LOVE HER EXACTLY BECAUSE YOU’RE LETTING HER GO.BECAUSE, DARLING, THAT’S BULLSHIT. THAT’S ONLY YOUR OWN LITTLE SELF-CREATED LIE LAYING BEHIND A MUCH BIGGER LIE; IT’S NOT EVEN PROPERLY CONCEALED WITHIN ITSELF, YOU FUCKING IDIOT."

- All These Things You Wish You’d Say 

When a stranger cares

L.A Narrative, written by Amy Bartko 

There are two choices you have, every single day. You can be bitter, nasty and crude to every stranger passing on the streets, or you can give your best to wake up your senses with kindness. Everyone is fighting their own battle in life, if you sit and sonder you will uncover the great detail in the blurred background of your painting.

sonder  n.  the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own- populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness- an epic story that continues invisibly around you like a small anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you'll never know existed. In which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

            There are many things the average mind doesn’t come across through daily routine thoughts. That’s why they should be taught.

            In the evening, while I was walking home from work through the city. Through the misty autumn weather, I noticed an older lady whom had become tired and weary, and was wandering alone in the park. Though this didn’t mean very much to me personally, I felt compelled to want to reach out to give her a hand if she needed it. It looked as if she had been left behind and didn’t know where she was going. I sat back and watched for a few minutes. While I sipped lightly on my coffee, I watched her intently as she staggered along the walkway. After reaching the park bench and then deciding to sit, she gently propped her walker beside her, then sighed. It had become apparent that she was scared, and frustrated to be by herself. Though I was only a few feet away, I could see the exhaustion in her eyes. The way she held herself together was sad, and depressed; I could tell what had to be done.

            Grabbing my to-go cup off the park table, I nonchalantly wandered down the walkway path towards her. Admiring the sunset view off the cityscape, I took a seat at the side of her. The reflection of the sky lit up her face, as she observed me join her. I noticed her hands at first; they were worn and old, as you’d expect from a woman in her mid-sixties, as if she has worked a decent good life. Though we sat there in silence for a few moments, our surrounding filled our ears with motion. Suddenly, I decided I wanted her to feel comforted. I turned my head slowly and the woman’s eyes met mine. Her eyes were sad, sunken in and watered, as if she’d been crying. The irises of her eyes were a bright emerald green; they popped and took the focus away from the wrinkles that framed them. She turned a little, so that I couldn’t see her face, then she looked back at me. At first she sniffled, then brought a folded tissue up to her face, brushed her cheeks and then smiled sweetly.

            She seemed so wise, as if something really bad must’ve happened to make her this upset. Though it was none of my business and I knew nothing of this woman, she was sad. No matter the person, even if they have no one to care from them, could use a little help from a stranger.

            The longer she sat there with me, the more intrigued I became. Though no words were spoken, I felt as if the woman was already relaxing with someone near her.

I sighed, “Are you lost, ma’am?”

            No response from her, her mouth opened, but no sound came out. As if she was trying to tell me something, but she couldn’t get it out. I reached into my briefcase and pulled out a pen and a notepad. Then handed it over to her and the woman started scribbling. It took a few minutes, but she handed me the folded note, and then squeezed my hand tightly with reassurance. Then she proceeded to get up, and wobble away.

             I sat alone on the park bench, with a note in one hand and cold coffee in the other. As I watched her stammer away, I forgot about the note. The folded piece of paper remaining in my hand. I could still feel the gentle squeeze the woman placed before she left. I had hoped I made her feel a little better. I placed the note in my pocket until I got to work. That night I opened the small piece of paper before I fell asleep and read it silently to myself. Then smiled,

                                                   Thank you.

Winter.

Its winter. I do not like it. Here in Canada you freeze your ass right off somedays. Heat is my best friend, I would rather summer than winter. One of my favorite things to do ever is to walk around during any time of the day in whatever I want to wear. Weither that is a hoodie and sweats, or shorts and a T-shirt. No winter boots, or winter jackets. Just never being cold, thats what I love.
 Today was a average exam week at school, at a freezing -42 celcius... Of course they didnt cancel because of exams, but it was still really cold just to walk to and from school. Enough to get me into a rant to my friends about how much I miss summer.
 My one friend turned to me and told me to stop wanting it to come so quickly. She enlightened me with a new viewpoint. She said to me this, "Every year, you get older. With each season that passes, you will inevitabley get older. We always say that we wish to be young again, but we always want certain times to come faster. Enjoy each season as it passes. You only ever get it once a year, and with each year you get older and then you want those years back. "
 Then I shut up.
No matter how much I want to walk around in the night wearing a light jacket, or learn to longboard, or even wiggle my toes in the sun baked sand; It will come eventually. All I have to do, is be patient.

This is who you are.

Tonight, tomorrow, yesterday... Forever.

 "Don't be decieved by the hidden. They feel forgotten, scared, and hopeless. By forgetting the forgotten. They are permanatley gone. Not only in body, but in spirit and mind. Remembering the forgotten, makes someone with you in spirit and mind, though they may not be present in body. "

  Every single moment that surrounds you, becomes you. In every aspect. Every thought that passes., every sentence that dances off your tounge. There is an expedential amount of existence that creates who you are right now. Don't be decieved of the importance every single thing you do; It makes an impact on your life. Every single doubt, fight, regret, breakup, relationship, success, achievement, accident, gesture, every single thought. It compels you. Creates you. Every so often, we lose the reality, that connection. Lose it in ourselves, and sometimes in others. It only takes a instant to realize that its gone.. but nearly forever to get it back. Every single day, people think TODAY is the most you, that you can be.
They believe that who they are today, is who they are. Didn't you say that last week? Last month? Last year? Today, is you.
But yet, only a part of whom you are becoming. Many people believe your entire life is based on some framework such as a highway, or a staircase.
I disagree.
On a highway, or a staircase.. You know what lies ahead. More road.. more stairs. You can see it. Maybe not exactly where you may end up. But you know how your going to get there right?
...Wrong. 

 Picture this, standing on a path, with expidential details in every single step you took behind you, looking back, you see objects that represent your past, you feel, it touches your heart with nostalgia. But as you look ahead of you, there is nothing. Absolutley nothing. Each single step you take is into another guessing game. You can't pretict every aspect of your future, only plan the general framework of where you want to go. You can't choose what happens to you, or anyone else. By each action, you alter the future, and add to your past. This is what we forget.
We often get too caught up on certain details in the past, or things you WANT to happen in the future. You forget that today is your future. That right now, what you are doing, is what you will have been doing ten minutes ago. Not ten minutes ahead.
So tonight, this is who you think you are. Tomorrow, you will be more you. Yesterday, you thought you knew who you were. It is going to go on Forever.